Let Criticism Be Your Guide

Criticism. It's one of those words that stirs the contents of your stomach. It leaves your mouth bitter after spewing it off of your tongue, like saying something to your best friend that you instantly regret. You feel dirty for saying it. Yet, you smile and say "Oh, no I welcome honest criticism with an open mind!" You're only fooling yourself.

You work on a project, pouring every drop of blood, sweat, and tears into it, and you know it's not finished - you need those outside pair of eyes to refine your baby, so you steady yourself as you ask another person to look it over. You're optimistic at first. You plan on maybe 4 or 5 comments that will allow you to readjust the finer details of the project to make it a shining ball of glory. It's already pretty shiny, but it needs a bit more....until you get your feedback. You begin to sweat and your face contorts further and further into a raging fit of twists and curves as you read every new comment on the list of faults berating your hard work. You come to the harsh realization that this person never considered your work a shining ball of glory, but a slightly polished turd. What's more is they're crapping all over your polished turd, further belittling your efforts.

Okay, maybe we don't feel quite that extreme, but anyone who's worked on a project, be it a writing work, game design, class project, piece of art, or what-have-you, has felt like this to some degree when receiving honest critiques. To truly accept criticism is a skill and is not something that just anyone can do. Like all skills, this one has to be built up and enhanced with practice.

So, how do you learn to (graciously & seriously) accept criticism? Below are five ways to build your criticism-receiving skills. It should also be said that this is the under the assumption the person is being honest and tactful about their criticism. Sometimes you will get those trolls who just like putting people down, or have something to prove by pointing out every minute flaw. Those people should be ignored.

1) BE READY - It's going to hurt. It just is. When your beta-reader, tester, observer, etc. makes a comment, it'll feel like you've seriously screwed up everything you've worked towards. You didn't, and they're not attacking you. They're simply trying to help you improve whatever you're working on. Also, be ready to fell overwhelmed. No matter how ready you are, be ready to not feel ready for everything you're told.

2) BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF - A big obstacle to you being able to accept criticism is your own pride. To you, your project is pretty darn good, and when someone shatters that beautiful stained glass window that is your project, you have the tendency to write off any negative feedback. Don't. Take a step back, remove yourself from the project and do your best to peer at its inner workings from an objective point of view. Nine times out of ten, you'll see they've got a valid point.

3) TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT - This is the opposite of #2 and is a very difficult balancing act to perform. Different people have different views of how something should be. There are hard and fast rules, and there are personal preferences. Some of those preferences have valuable insight to how your work can be shaped, but learning when to use those comments and when to ignore them is part of this skill set. Knowing it's okay to reject someone's advice takes some of the stress off when dealing with criticism. Discern what needs to be taken seriously, and the stuff that doesn't, determine if it will help you. It is your project, after all, and you must make that final decision.

4) DON'T LET CRITICISM DEVALUE YOU AS A PERSON - This one should be obvious, but I'll bet there are plenty of people who struggle with this. We get defensive when someone disagrees with us. That doesn't mean you should feel bad about who you are, and it doesn't mean your critic is trying to make you feel bad. An honest critic is simply trying to help your work become stronger and more vibrant. You can rest assured that a good critic isn't attacking you, and a bad critic should just be ignored.

5) SINCERELY THANK YOUR CRITIC - How does this help you learn to accept criticism? Being thankful to another human being for taking time out of their (likely) very busy schedule to help you means that you'll put value on whatever they have to say. And when you value criticism, you're able to effectively use it for what it was intended - improving your project. It also never hurts to thank your critic in advance. Knowing you appreciate all their effort in advance, will put them in a better mood, and they'll take greater care in providing that honest, tactful, and useful feedback you need to make your project shine.

We all know good criticism is useful. Getting ourselves to the point where we can handle criticism is the hard part. Shying away from it to spare yourself the struggle will only hinder future projects. Power through it, keep an open mind, and keep working!

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